loneliness in adulthood

Loneliness doesn’t seem like a taboo topic, but at the same time no one really talks about it today. Loneliness in adulthood is especially kept quiet. So many of us move to new places for work or school in adulthood and we forget how hard it is to make friends. I grew up with at least ten friends around at all times. Once I graduated college and moved to France, the idea of making new friends seemed impossible. There’s no ‘Making Friends as an Adult 101’ in school. Questions started swirling in my head, “Where do you even find friends?” “Will they ever be as close of friends as my friends back home?” and the scariest, “What if I don’t make ANY friends?”

We’re social creatures by nature. I’m pretty sure it’s scientifically proven that we need human interaction to survive. There are many different ideas of how to find friends as an adult in a new place. Your workplace, for example. Going out after work for drinks or other activities with coworkers is always a possibility. Or at school if you decided to do a masters program or otherwise. Chatting someone up in class, asking someone to study with you, all possibilities. Incredibly scary, but definitely an option. The older I get, the more I see adult activities that bring great joy to those that participate. Whether it’s a weekly yoga class, painting, rock-climbing, or a running club, there are countless opportunities to do something you love and hopefully make a few friends along the way. With social media today, clubs and groups are readily available and begging you to join!

Currently I live in France as an au pair. I have one friend that I met through my au pair agency. I’ve learned the value of having one ride-or-die friend as opposed to ten. Not to say that I don’t love and miss my friends from home, but she is my only friend here and I am hers. We don’t have to worry about coordinating plans with a group or working around multiple schedules. It’s rather simple. I started taking French classes and hip-hop classes. Both have proven to introduce me to new people, however the people I’ve met remain “class friends”: we don’t hang out outside of class. And I’ve learned that that’s okay! I’m growing more comfortable with the sound of my own thoughts.

I think chosen solitude teaches you a lot about yourself. Being surrounded by others constantly allows you to hide. You can distract yourself easily from whatever demons you’re dealing with. But in solitude, you’re able to face those demons and grow. It’s been a blessing to see loneliness turn into self-actualization.

I am now in a point in my life in which I love being alone and take solace in the never-ending babble of my mind.